Venting Session

Wow. Why on Earth do I feel the need to just spew my emotions out onto a computer screen? Really, no one reads it and I don't want anyone to read this. So why do I feel the obsessive need to write everything on a silly little blog? I feel so...so... I don't even know what I'm feeling right now, anger (for no reason), fear, annoyance, and all around apathy. Yet, obviously that's not true. Really? What is wrong, and why am I putting this in a blog? Right now my conscious is saying: "Wow, is this what you really want to do? Broadcast your hormonal breakdown to the world, sounds like a great idea!..." Well you know what? I don't care. I am upset with myself for only being able to attract men who really need to grow up and I'm even more upset that it bothers me so much. Really? I'm not even old enough to be worrying about anything like this! Heart, why are you so hard that no one will ever be able receive your love? Wow. This sounds like crap. I'm done and out. Goodbye to no one.

p.s Almost everything I write while hormonal becomes invalid almost immediately after being written. So, have a wonderful day!

Little by little...

It's been a while now since I have posted anything. And now that I'm here I don't really know what to say.... Moments before I sat down and turned on my computer there were a plethora (isn't that a fun word?) of things to say, and now I am at a loss of words. So, now I'm sitting on my bed eating gummy sharks and typing out what I'm doing. :P I want to just complain to the vast world wide web but I don't really want to have one of those whiny blogs about how life sucks, so I won't.

But I will say this: college is hard, yet not. It's hard to know who you want to be and then become that person. Yet I know who I am, I am a child of God. With that I should know who I am and act like it (as my dad would say) but there is more to being an open, easy to approach type person who knows what to say and when to say it and just makes everyone feel great when they are around. Is there? Not really. If you truly know that you are a Child of the one true God then you would have all those things and more. Why then does it seem so hard to be that person? I guess the best way to get there is little by little...

With the start of college and with it a new start I am going to become the person I want to be. But little by little it will come. Step by step who I am is coming closer and closer.

Step 1: Surround myself with people who want to be better

Step 2: Be involved

Step 3: Trust others around me

Step 4: Learn how to leave people feeling better about themselves

My ultimate goal is to make it back to my Father in Heaven and hear Him say: "Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of the Lord." (Matthew 25:21)

But right now my goal for the next month is to be able to be the type of girl who guys want to date because I leave everyone feeling better about themselves and the world around them. Wish me luck and we shall see how it goes. :D

I don't know how much sense that actually makes, but I have to publish it before I chicken out. :P

Drama Llama

Okay, now I have stooped to the lowest level...I am ranting about an ex-boyfriend. Sheesh. Never thought this would be me. But oh well. When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Write a tell all blog post that no one really reads. :P So, recently I have gone through a break up and at first it wasn't too bad. You know, the usual heartache and constant missing of that one person. But it went well, we ended as friends and even had a wonderful conversation laughing and joking like good friends right after the dreaded message had been delivered. I thought it had ended well and I was happy to no have lost him as a friend. Then a week goes by and he sends me a text (yeah, classy right?) saying he wants me back and is not doing well without me. I say no. Things get a bit more messy and he continues to text me about his awful life and keeps trying to drag me back into his drama. GHA! What is a girl to do? Now I can understand why some friends would cut off all contact with their ex. Although I still believe the mature thing is best when possible. This by no means is meant to be an uplifting story or anything. Just the rantings of an average girl. :)

Harry Potter in your daily life.

A horacrux is a magical object that is used to prolong life, but in a very dark way. To make a horacrux the maker must commit murder and seperate a part of their soul, then place that bit in an object. This makes them, in a sense, immortal. I would like to say that writing is like creating a horacrux. You put a little bit of your soul into everything you write, the only difference is that the only thing you are killing is a little bit of time and possibly a tree. If a writing of yours has soul, it will truly immortalize that part of your soul. When you write, you should be using it to express what you feel, who you are, and what you need to get out (not necessarily referring to assigned writing, but even then, a well written essay contains a bit of soul.). Beautiful, meaningful writing comes from within (CHEESY I know). But think about it the next time you sit down with the intention of writing a poem, a short story, or whatever method you feel so inclined to use in expressing yourself.

GREETINGS!

HELLO EVERYONE! Or whoever finds time to read the rantings of me.

I was one of the naysayers when it came to blogs. I found (and still do) that they are a big waste of time and are solely there, because we as human beings have an unquenchable need to spew our guts out onto a cold hard screen that cannot tell us we are wrong or rationalize our feelings. It is just there and as such cannot run away from us or smother us with love. Yet we still need the acceptance of our fellow humans, and so we make it public. This being the human need, and I being a human, I am acknowledging my weakness and have gotten a blog, YAY! It will be interesting to see what I put up here and how often something actually is posted. But anyway, enjoy your life folks and keep on smilin'! :D